You would dearly love to do the first two, but you are only PRACTICALLY SEVENTEEN so that's probably not going to happen.
The third one is doable. But first, you have to leave your sanctuary and track down the SISTERBEAST. A truly daring proposition. With only a little regret, you minimize the window with your newest favorite YOUTUBE VIDEO in it and venture towards the door of your bedroom.
You are super cool. No, not just cool. ICE COLD. You make sure to keep up with all the latest MEMES and YOUTUBE VIDEOS. Your wardrobe is as cool as you are. You own at least FIFTY AEROPOSTALE SHIRTS, as well as TWENTY PAIRS OF AMERICAN EAGLE KHAKI SHORTS. You recently earned enough money from your PART-TIME JOB to buy a BRAND NEW PAIR OF SHOES. All in all, you're pretty fly...so fly that you can resist finishing that overused phrase.
Currently, you are surfing the INTERWEBS in search of new YOUTUBE VIDEOS. This is also helping you stay out of sight from the SISTERBEAST.
Looks like another friend is on. You decide to chat with K-FRESH, who is your SISTER's BROTHER-IN-LAW.
K-Fresh: hey there Katie: Hey. K-Fresh: look at this pic for me please K-Fresh: kfreshhair.gif Katie: Uh, okay. Katie: ...What am I looking at? K-Fresh: do you see my beard? Katie: Eh. K-Fresh: pretty fucking cool huh K-Fresh: think im gonna shave it tho K-Fresh: what are you doing Katie: Nothing. K-Fresh: me too Katie: ... K-Fresh: ... Katie: ... K-Fresh: .............. K-Fresh: so anyway K-Fresh: have you seen this video K-Fresh: this one Katie: Nope. ^_^ K-Fresh: its funny as shit
Well, that was pointless. Though you have to admit, you never miss an opportunity to use your SHOT GLASS.
In any case, even though you have been studying as diligently as ever, you are actually done with classes for the summer. Since you have nothing better to do, you open up your LAPTOP and log on to Spacebook (TM), the social media site that everyone you know uses.
Your SISTER, CHRIS, is online.
Katie: Is he there now? Chris: dad? yeah Katie: What does he want to talk about? Chris: ummm i don't know Chris: you know how dad is Chris: *mysterious* Katie: Uh huh. o.O Chris: i think it's something important though Chris: you're coming home today, right? Katie: Yes. Katie: Guess I'll talk to him when I get there. Chris: are you ready for ur birthday??? :D Chris: i'm so excited! Chris: i'm wrapping your present RIGHT NOW Katie: lol Katie: You got me a present, yay! Chris: yup heh heh Katie: What is it? Chris: can't teeeeeeell uuuuuuu Katie: Give me a hint. Chris: okies Chris: here it is Chris: best hint ever Chris: it Chris: is not a fish Katie: >.< Katie: That's the same hint you always give. Chris: heh heh yup
What? We just established that you are one day away from your TWENTY-FIRST BIRTHDAY. You don't have access to any alcohol...not legally, anyway.
Luckily, you just so happen to have a SHOT GLASS from your GRANDFATHER's extensive collection. You carry it with you everywhere. You use your BOTTLE OF WATER to fill the SHOT GLASS and then knock it back.
What on earth could your DAD want? The curiosity is almost unbearable.
But first, who are you, exactly?
Your name is KATIE KAT. You are just shy of your TWENTY-FIRST BIRTHDAY. It is, in fact, tomorrow. (Perhaps that is what your DAD wishes to speak with you about...?) You are a COLLEGE STUDENT and you like MOVIES BASED ON BOOKS and OFFBEAT MUSICALS. You also have a passion for MELODRAMATIC PSEUDO-FANTASY TELEVISION SERIES. Some of your friends think that you are SHY, but really you are SLIGHTLY MISANTHROPIC.
{Once upon a time...}
{...In a location not so far away...}
{...Where the air is rife with the scents of stale beer, cheap food, frustrated tears...}
{...And the sweat acquired through the dedicated pursuit of KNOWLEDGE...}
